What have I done

Thursdays will be interesting. Sonya spends the morning at Abbie's school helping out. I take Elliott to school, although today he doesn't start till 10:30. His first day. Ever. It will be quiet, but I realize this is the start and end of a constant eye on our children. It is afterall our role, to bring them up yadda yadda... I feel better. Worn down. Did I really smash my laptop? Yes, I did. I can only shake my head (read below). No repairing it. Perhaps it just fell off the roof of my car and I didn't throw it to the ground in a fit or anger because it happened to be on my lap and I couldn't squelch it quick enough - crash, crack, pieces, shards, a war crime. It happened and it was foolish but relevant to how I feel and felt (however inappropriately executed). I'm not quiet ready, or convinced, that "letting go" and falling back will end well. You ever feel that way? Elliott's listening to his "fireworks" music (we got it from the library). He sits on the couch, holding the CD cover (which has hot air balloons on it) and he just listens to every instrument - always being sure to point out the bell sound. Cute. I must go upstairs and looks less like a hobo. Maybe even smell good. But first, coffee ....