When your heart and your treasure are at opposite ends your treasure always wins

Its a sad and common story, one that every child believes their parents are beyond. A cliché. And another name in a long list of men who fall. All stories are more complex than the surface of their results. No one is without fault. There are two parties at play, and a failure in a marriage is a failure of two people. The further two people get from each, letting a seed of anger, distrust, resentment, that seed eventually grows into a massive tree that everyone sees and whose roots tangle into others.

Something that has clung to me over the past year is the idea of your heart and your actions. The Bible says "The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being." (Luke 12:34) Think of where you spend most of your time, most of your money, a place your thoughts often dwell. This is your treasure. If your actions — your beliefs — are out of sync with this, gradualy your beliefs and actions will do all they can to support your treasure. In a nutshell, a person divided cannot stand. And the tree of hurt stands waiting to either remain and cast a shadow or to be cut down.

I might be 37 years old, but the 7 year old in me feels like I'm reaching to my father, saying "Daddy" and he's turning his back and walking away. Given into the excuse that bad behavior is all he's able to do. Excuses. Justifications. Blame. Consumed by mistakes. I don't know if my dad will try to make anything right. I don't know if my mom will ever be able to forgive. I don't know what to tell my kids. I don't know if we're at rock bottom. I don't know if I'll ever be able to speak to my dad the same, if we'll ever go a football games together and talk about work, faith, life, drink some red wine and laugh. I don't know if we'll ever be a whole family again.

I know that I have to act in faith, put my treasure into hope, that things will get better so that my heart will eventually follow. But it isn't easy; not with everyone so fresh, so raw, so shocking, so confusing, so infuriating, so painful. All I can do is hope.