What is forgiveness?
There's something simple and appealing in uttering the words "I forgive you" — how it gives me that self-righteous pride in my own ability to absolve someone else's sin. Forgiveness isn't a concept but rather a transformation of the heart and mind (one that is far often more difficult than I realize).
It doesn't matter what you believe — what creed, faith, religion, lack of religion — forgiveness is an act we all, at one point in our lives, wil share in (either by nesting resentment or releasing pain). There are levels of what forgiveness means and the effort it takes to truly experience or enact it, but more often than not, I truly don't understand forgiveness.
I often hear that forgiveness is something I grant someone for myself, for my own heart, whether someone asks to be forgiven or not. I don't believe this means that I accept the actions of the person who needs the forgiveness, but that I work on my attitude, my own perceptions, my own interactions without letting it consume me. Without letting it alter me. Without letting it hinder me from relationships. But how does one do that when you've not even been asked for forgiveness? How does one inwardly change, while outwardly things remain exactly the same — the same hurt, the same pain? I guess it goes back to a very common theme, when you act as you should, eventually your heart will catch up. Right now I feel in limbo (where I neither feel forgiveness nor know how to act), and that's a confusing place to be.
Comments for "What is forgiveness?"
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I'm not sure it won't alter you. I'm not sure going through anything substantial enough to have to evaluate the process of forgiveness should leave you unscathed; change you somehow.
Because it will change you and you can help direct whether that is for the good or bad. Will your forgiveness drive you to more transparency in your relationships? Can it be utilized to evaluate and change (if needed) your relationship with your own kids?
The tricky thing for me was, the revelation happened in an instant. One minute things were the way they had always been and the next the floor was knocked out from under me and I was in a world I found almost unrecognizable. It took years for me to work through the forgiveness and I'm working on it still with one person in particular. None of them have ever asked for forgiveness and most of them are dead now so they won't be asking anytime soon. I felt almost as if the forgiveness had to have happened as quickly as the revelation and was frustrated that it didn't. I felt like I was doing something wrong.
But like you said, the heart will eventually catch up.
Thanks for sharing, it's definitely a struggle for other people and you're not alone in it.
by Bethany Linn
∞ Friday, September 4th, 2009
I'm not entirely sure, but I think forgiveness is a process; an ongoing process, never entirely complete, but always intentional.
by Mike
∞ Friday, September 4th, 2009
Forgiveness is a bitch. But holding grudges is a sonofabitch
You know - devoid of the internet, there are other means of communication. Do you remember the telephone? If so, I'm gonna start using the phone more often. So call me, anytime.
by Luke
∞ Wednesday, September 9th, 2009