The one where I realize that life never gets easier you only accumulate more complex problems
by Paul (6 Comments) 
Its been five months since we realized we had to tackle our debt problem. Not merely address it, not merely talk about, not merely talk to someone else about it; but learning to say "no". Learning to go without. Learning to swallow some pride, learning to sacrifice. And here we are, just one more outstanding debt to go and we're free. Truly free from a fake security. A fake sense of worth and value. Free.
Five months ago I honestly didn't believe we could save enough money while killing our debt and still eat. Somehow we've done just that. $18,000 of debt gone; AND I just ate dinner (so what that it was mashed potatoes, just mashed potatoes, I'm still full -- and alive). I take that back -- somehow God has provided, to allow us to be at this point. Semantics, eh?
I can't think of a greater environment to welcome Circus performer #3 into the Family Armstrong than to be unburdened (in so many more ways than just financially). We won't be worrying about getting the baby the newest clothes (that a baby will wear all of 1 month and poop and spit up on) or a new crib or decorating their room. These things don't matter (we just allowed ourselves to listen to those voices that pressure you into thinking you need and want things, things, things, things). I think we've learned, beyond not using credit cards (and not just because our credit "rating" is destroyed) that learning to say no to "things" -- saying no to getting that extra large McDonald's fries thing, no to eating out again with some friends thing, no to buying that "little" gift for you kids or your friends or yourself thing. Learned to not be so vain as to fear asking for help, or getting second hand or used things, or even shopping "discount" (aka Walmart).
I'm not sure how it happened, but I thank God it did. I went from feeling helpless and worthless, to peaceful, unburdened and fulfilled. You can too ...
Nothing more helpless than being unable to provide comfort
by Paul (1 Comments)
We're sitting 500 miles away from Abigail in a city of the same name -- as she goes to a hospital in Wilmington (Delaware) with my parents and we're helpless in Wilmington (North Carolina); praying that all is ok. Yet again Abigail has gotten a facial rash that has deformed her face into a red, bumpy and sploched map. Sometime on Wednesday (of last week) she started a small sunburn on her face, which slowly showed rash -- which grew and worsened in pain and itchness; and hasn't gotten better.
The plan all along was for the kids to go back with my parents to Delaware after vacation for some relaxation, swimming and having fun with their grandparents, while Sonya and I would quickly visit with friends in Wilmington, North Carolina, then head home for a few days to work and get a little break and drive to Delaware on Friday to get the kids.
Now we're just waiting to hear back about a diagnosis, some game plan -- twiddling our thumbs wondering what (if anything) can or should be done. Its the worst feeling not being their to support your child, as they're scared, nervous and anxious. Empty and impotent, helpless. There's only hope and trust and prayer -- which honestly feels inadequate at best.
Drum Roll Please.......
by Sonya (4 Comments)
It's Paul's birthday, so make a big wish for him, send him offensive texts or just leave a nice message on our site =-)
He is thankful for all of his wonderful friends and family near and far; we both are.
36 Reasons To Be Happy To Be Turning 36 Years Old
by Paul (3 Comments)
So, I'm turning 36 this Sunday, and as the years methodically pump by I find that its increasingly easier to find fault with life, people, things -- everything. And I know that 36 isn't "old", but its the oldest I've ever been. So, to prove I'm not a complete curmudgeon, here's 36 reasons its good (to me) to be alive (in no particular order).
Ok ... gushy stuff is out of the way...
The one where I rant about how "vacations" are really just like being at home in a strange place
by Paul (0 Comments)
We're about to embark on a little trip to Pigeon Forge Tennessee with some of our church friends -- do some hiking, playing games, relaxing and socializing. The difficultly about ANY vacation (when your kids come) is that you, as a parent, aren't really getting a vacation at all. You're just getting to do the same things you do at home, except in a totally foreign environment. You still have to get up, get and prepare food, find clothes, give baths, keep them from killing each other over who said what in what tone to whom in a certain direction as the sun sets on the west (or something to that effect). Vacations suck.
Add the wrinkle of having a child with S.P.D. -- which means ANYTHING new is like having your thumbs amputated. Oh sure, we tell her where we're going, we show her pictures, let her know what to "expect" (which is mostly impossible when you've never been to place -- she wants to know what the light is like, how high the ceilings are, what the carpet smells like or if the bed squeaks) long in advance. Its impossible to describe the unknown, which gives her no comfort, which results in cataclysmic explosions of emotion. *Big sigh*.
Now I understand retirement, its not about your job or work -- its about going a REAL vacation.
Sorrow is better than laughter
by Paul (11 Comments)
Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart.
Ecclesiastes 7:3
I've never been able to understand that verse, but it always comes to me when something tragic happens in our life. Yesterday we received more bad news in our family, that our baby was no longer there.
Sonya started "spotting" Wednesday evening, continually. Rather than anxiously await to see if something was wrong we went to the doctor and had an ultrasound to find out what was happening. When on that screen we saw something we didn't expect to see -- a dark, empty spot. No baby. Nothing inside. Our hearts sank. The nurse quickly exited; and ever rush of emotion filled us both. The anticipation of another family member coming into our home -- Abigail and Elliott even helped us pick names (Luke or Lilly), we had started to gather cloths and toys. And in just seconds it vanished.
Right now I'm upstairs as Sonya begins this painful process of miscarrying what's left inside of her. Pain on top of pain. We'd had a great outpouring of support and love already, and can't thank everyone enough for their sympathy and prayer. So, we ask you all to keep praying for us; though I'm not sure what we need -- comfort, peace, clarity, rest? All of it, any of it.
