First it starts with one thought and then I find I’m surrounded by many more that threaten to drown me right where I stand and I frantically think of ways out and how to attack the them. The floods are rising and I get wrapped in frustration, fear, panic, helplessness and anger.
Like Peter in the water who sinks when he takes his eyes off of Jesus, I do my best to keep my eyes fixed on him and arms reached out like a child. Slowly but surely His words will transform my awful thoughts and help me to survive the flood, better equipped for the next one that comes.
Translation for above babble:
Yesterday I got a note from Abigail’s teacher informing me that we need to meet with her about her difficulty knowing her math facts (addition and subtraction) to ten. She already does more homework than I remember doing in elementary school and she’s only in first grade.
I start feeling inept; I always sucked at math! In seventh grade I scored at 4th grade level in math and 12th grade in English. I know we all have our strengths and weaknesses and I want to help Abigail feel confident enough to work at it. Incentives don’t work for her. She compares herself to others in her class; it’s impossible not to notice how others are doing.
The greatest difficulty I face is in knowing how to help her. He teacher says to work on the math facts at home and I’m wondering, how?! It has been a struggle enough getting her to read to us 15 minutes a day with or without incentives because Abigail hated it; she thought she wasn’t good at it and it was hard. Now that her confidence has increased and she recognizes that she can do it, she does it with more ease.
Now I feel like it’s going to be the same with adding something new to her routine; there will be the fight where neither of us wins or loses and Abigail is completely resistant because she’s frustrated too. I don’t know where to begin. She has a number line at school and forgets which way she is supposed to move on the number-line when she adds and which way when she subtracts. Paul STILL gets his left and right mixed up and I was at a loss as how to help Abigail figure out which way to go and failed.
So, in my woe-is-me attitude I end up taking it all on myself as a failing parent. How do I balance everything in my life?! The house, the bills, the cooking, the discipline/teaching of the kids, helping with the homework, making up incentive plans with the kids. It’s all like a big overwhelming blur and I can\’t seem to manage it all.
So, there’s my thoughts that ebb all around me and in me. And now my son has changed his clothes AGAIN, wearing Paul’s t-shirt, saying he’s going to wear that to preschool again, oh good lord. I’m tired of dealing with the irrationality of people half my size!