Because I have immense security issues.
I fear for the next day when someone will call me up and decide to “use” (and I use that term literally and figuratively) another vendor who is cheaper, quicker, a cousin, a brother, a relative, a monkey (you fill in the blank). For all the work I have, I still do not have the confidence or faith to think (trust) that I will be able to make it through the month. Around the corner awaits homelessness, penniless and begging for work.
I cannot relax; especially with a new home, new responsibilities. The fear of failure entangles me.