I’ll say it.
I’m angry at God.
We all are. It’s inborn. Our nature. Deep in all of us we’re angry that we don’t get what we ask of God and somehow it’s His fault. The “magic genie” didn’t grant the wish. Rather than it being a reflection of my selfish desires, I think I created the map of the path I’m on and ignore the road signs and directions along the way. I want what I want; now. I cannot wait and I’m angry; and I know it’s wrong, but it’s there. In me.
I want things to stop being so difficult. I want to find contentment. I want to be happy with were I am. I want to find friends that listen. I want to feel safe among peers. I want my kids to listen. I want to be known. I want a little happiness sometimes, maybe, somewhere. I want to stop feeling alone. I want to stop feeling used.
But I don’t hold my breath.