Tomorrow I will be attempting to play golf. I haven’t played for over 2 years, and it has horrible associations with it (the company I was with). It should be fun, as long as there is some drinking allowed. I think I can only play well if slightly inebriated.
Yet again I’ve not written awhile. The loneliness has subsided a bit, and the truth of speaking honestly is spreading. I pray it’s a wild fire. I had an old college friend message me today. We talk very sparsely, but he considers me a close friend, so I listen. A few weeks ago his father passed away, after battling cancer. He also has a newborn son. Compound that with a job that involves hours and hours of travel and time away.
Needless to say, he told me he feels lonely. But that wasn’t the biggest issue. He had an affair several years ago. His wife knows and is (contextually) ok, he on the other hand, is a wreck. Guilt. Shame. And the realization that perhaps his marriage was only so he wouldn’t be alone.
I have no idea what to do. I asked if he was seeing a counsellor, to which he said he was. I told him to get healthy before he made any decision about anything. That a mind in a frazzled state cannot make a wise decision. I have no idea if he listened or heard me, or remained in the shadow of lies.
I could’ve heaped guilt onto him; how horrible it was — which does no good; and honestly, he’s no more horrible than me or anyone else. We’re all horrible people. All of us. Forgiveness is of God, not man.
I fear him further leading himself down a destructive path. Alienating himself by fulfilling his hatred of himself by making inflicting harm and bad life choices — self imploding for the sake of “justice”.
I nearly begged him to take time off work to get better — to which he said he would not — to not sacrifice relationships and people for a career. All I can do is pray.
We ate dinner outside. There was a nice breeze and the sun had nearly set. The kids had been outside swimming, and Elliott was still in his swim suit. Sometime during the course of eating, Elliott decided to say “Look at my penis down there” (as he pulled out his bathing trunks, looking down), “Look at it there, it’s my penis. It’s cold — hehehe”. I had to turn away to keep from laughing.