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Loneliness finds her own way through parking lot cities with a coal miner’s sense

Posted on January 3, 2006January 22, 2020 by Paul Armstrong

Since I’m waiting around for my very large Photoshop file to save (a 7′ x 4′, 300dpi, 2GB file … doing anything takes ages; and being the smart, savvy designer I am, I used many layers, masks, and effects), I thought I might write.

The idea of New Year’s resolutions have always been a sour point with me, and I’m not quite sure why. It might partly be the knowledge that those resolutions are mostly wishes – or even empty promises to make myself feel better. One month gone and the resolutions are memories of overly eager hopefulness. What I need is realistic accountability for change and progress; but to have that, you have to have a map and path.

I fail miserably. I have plans but don’t have the map (at least not the complete one, no one does). I know that what I hope for may ultimately be impossible, or not something God wants of me, or may in fact come true (or transcend what I had even thought), but I tend to bury those plans. I’m every bit a fool for scoffing at my hopes, as for praying for the future (how can I pray for a future that I have no hope for because I’m so pessimistic, and/or theologically superstitious?). So I make no resolutions, rarely express my hopes and I follow the slow winding path right in front of my feet, watching each step and never look up.

So this year, I will purposefully and realistically take the steps to lead me on the path toward those hopes, with the wisdom to learn from mistakes and not get myopic. God will always do as He will, it’s my job to keep moving and pay attention – He has yet to let me down.

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