I’m not sure what is going on. Since our trip back from mom and dad’s a few weeks ago things have gotten strange. Sonya and I talked a bit about how it would be nice to actually have family nearby — and how the kids miss them so much.
Besides the fact that we love the area, and it feels rooted in our bones. So, on the drive home, we somewhat decided that we wanted to be back — and for God to start showing us when or if we ought to. There are many things we love about Cincinnati.
But after living here for 6 years we have no friends we’d be sad to leave, we feel no deep or lasting connection to the church. The only thing keeping us here is Sonya’s therapist and Abbie’s school. Our band of friends are drifting as life becomes more complicated. Small group is on its last legs, as we each seem to be culling for something different (connection, accountability, learning, etc).
We feel utterly alone. My role as drummer at church, I’m nearly positive, is being phased out. Our connections are dwindling, nearly evaporated. We’re ready to move on, but God is keeping us here — for now — for whatever reason.
It’s difficult to watch friends here take for granted the ability to have family watch their kids, to go out once a week or more, and not cost a penny. To have grown up here and have a handful of friends, and families and cousins, and roots that run deep.
There is a loss on our part as the kids grow and our chances to be out and do things become increasingly less likely — and we fade away into tasks and duties and meetings and chores. Our house is small, and daily crowding in on us. The small corner of our bedroom, starting out at the neighbors walls day after day with no contact with anyone is wearing thin. But we are still to stay here. Mentally I’m in limbo. Numb. Apathetic. Waiting…