After some 2000 miles of travel between Maineville and Oakley, 100s of boxes scattered in all the wrong places, dust and trash, cat vomit, cat poop and piss, kids freaking out about not seeing mommy and daddy, $1000s spent on furniture, multiple installation, water-system relocation, internet and phone hook-up, clothes dryer cord replacement surgery, a…
Read MoreAuthor: Paul Armstrong
Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn’t nothing?
Well, we made it home in one piece and have been so overwhelming busy that I haven’t had time for the final update of the vacation. We left early Saturday morning. Mom came back with us to help out with the kids while we move and pack and various other sundry duties. Florence again did…
Read MoreNow kids, Daddy only drank so the Statue of Liberty would take her clothes off
Conversations overheard at the Cracker Barrel, somewhere in South Carolina: “Daddy, don’t zip my penis in my pants. That’ll hurt. I’ll cry a lot. Like this – AAAHHHHH! Loud” “Yes, I would too. Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to not zip it” “Yeah Daddy, that would hurt lots”
Read MoreDear stupid dog, I’ve gone to live with the children on jolly farm.
A frog was in our bath tub last night. Cute little guy. Bright green and very small, perched on the edge of the drain. I went to take a picture and he disappeared. Today is nearly done then we pack up and leave for home in the morn. Not sure what to feel — sadness,…
Read MoreCraig Hoffman said that? Well, he’s a sharp kid. You might be ugly.
I was up at 6am this morning for no reason. It’s quiet. I watched the ocean. Santa was on the beach yesterday, sweating under an umbrella (and I have the pictures to prove it). The kids didn’t care; 1) either because warm sun, sandy beaches and the ocean don’t conjure up any Christmas Spirit, 2)…
Read MoreOf course a man made it. It’s a commercial Lois, not a delicious thanksgiving dinner
South Carolina is the state of “Smiling Faces, Beautiful Places”, but apparently the tourism board has never been to Florence SC (where the McDonald’s incident occurred). Neither smiling, nor beautiful. With crazed men, sitting on buckets in parking lots cursing out families exiting McDonald’s (although, said bucket-man was nice enough point out to me that…
Read MoreI’ve got an idea! An idea so smart that my head would explode if I even began to know what I’m talking about
Dear Food Service Representative, who worked at McDonald’s in Florence SC (and whose name was rubbed out), I know your shift was almost over, but as a customer of your fine establishment I expect, no, demand that you fulfill your duty till my order is finished (at the very least). Actually listening is a good…
Read MoreThere’s a message in my Cheerios – It says, Ooooooo
24 hours and we’ll be on the road to Hendersonville, North Carolina for an overnight stay, before we finally get to the beach. We usually get to the hotel in Hendersonville incredibly early – and proceed to swim, walk around the old town (with the kids justing wanting tomorrow to come, and tired from being…
Read MoreI wasn’t betting: why don’t you just shut up for about a week?
Summer is here – with a vengeance. 90 degrees. No school. Sweating. Irritability. Discovering a summer schedule. Vacation on the horizon. Needless to say, I\’m distracted. Saturday Sonya and I got to go out – the first time in about 2 months. We went down to Newport on the Levee and dinned at Claddagh Irish…
Read MoreI’m not drunk, all right! I just have a speech impediment; and a stomach virus; and an inner ear infection
I’m going to write at length because I can, about everything under the sun. So, rest your eyes. Get a drink. Be comfortable (not that comfortable). Birthdays are strange for me. There are swirling emotions of apathy, excitement and disappointment every year. June is a very busy time for most people (and friends). Endings. Beginnings….
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